A Secret locked away
by FutureTrunksFan94
Summary: Sans is not who he says he is. A long time ago, he was a human until a tragic accident made him wind up in the Underground and he became Sans. But can he keep running from the past of being Ness? Sooner or later, his past will catch up with him and the end results will be literally spine-tingling. Image credit to MarlArtsCe, icon drawn freehand but inspired by it.
1. Chapter 1 Ness to Sans

A/N:Sorry guys, I know the Game Theorist's theory about the Halloween Hack saying that Sans is actually Ness isn't popular, but I decided I wanted to tackle it anyway! Anywho, I have only played a little of Undertale myself and watched Dan and Phil play it, and I've watched people play the Earthbound halloween hack. So my knowledge of Earthbound is limited, so if I get some things wrong, feel free to correct me/help me out if need be. I have only recently gotten into Undertale, so my knowledge is limited.

Edited as of 2/16/2018-have watched most of Earthbound and Undertale now. So the story will be better. It's a darker take on Sans and Ness-the original three kids are dead and are staying that way as is canon to the Halloween Hack. Sans/Ness is more embittered, cynical, the whole lot.

But I don't know, in my opinion the idea of Sans being a human from another world kinda transformed/killed is very fascinating. Especially considering I already have Masaomi as a time traveler thrown into another world, this whole crossover theory is very fascinating to me. Anyhow, not even Papyrus in this story knows Sans' true identity, because Sans himself doesn't want anyone to know.

Also, Sans' memories of the whole affair are kinda scrambled from the trauma, so he might not remember everything, but just enough to know he can't hide forever. It's from Sans' POV, also.

Part 1: Unlocking Memories of Dark (Ness); the comedic skeleton who is also a...human?

* * *

 _He was afraid._

 _Sure, he was ready to save the world, alongside the rest of them._

 _Ness gazed over at his friends, who met his gazes with determined stares. He could tell that Paula was scared, too, shaking as much as she was. How he wanted to grab her hand and tell her everything would be okay._

 _Jeff seemed afraid, too-the only one who seemed unaffected was Poo, who was just staring straight ahead._

 _Ness straightened his cap, still sweating. This was it. He was going to battle Giygas-the monster who'd ruined his world-who wanted to ruin it._

 _Professor Andonuts was waiting patiently for all of them to get into the machines._

 _He and his friends climbed into the machines._

 _"Make sure you take care of yourselves," Professor Andonuts assured them as he strapped them into their time machines. They had to be inside robotic suits, after all, materials that were organic would be torn apart._

 _Shaking, Ness climbed in, thinking only of fear._

 _He didn't like being inside this darkened machine any more than the others did, but if they were afraid, they didn't say anything._

 _He, Ness, heard nothing but the whirring of the machines as it began, throwing them forward into the dimension where he would be able to defeat Giygas._

 _Visions of his life flashed through his head-all the enemies he'd fought, the town of Onett, Porky, his brother pokey, his father, his mother, his sister, Paula._

 _So this was where it all began._

 _The young boy tightened his fists and held on for dear life._

 _It was then that he realized that something was wrong. For some reason, his machine wasn't working properly. The lights were blinking in the wrong colors._

 _'What the-' He thought, before feeling something hot and painful come over him._

 _Something came flying at him inside the machine and hit him...then he lost consciousness.._

* * *

 _Sometime later, or what felt like a long time later...he awoke._

 _It hurt like hell...his head was killing him._

 _Groaning, Ness turned over, only to find himself buried in something cold._

 _Sputtering in disbelief, he shook himself off, gasping at the sight of the snow covering him._

 _"Snow...?" He grumbled, in a strangely hoarse voice, before sitting back up._

 _As he glanced around, he saw that he was surrounded by nothing but snow. This wasn't where he should be._

 _He turned around and inspected the time machine, noticing that it was horribly distorted and smoking red, though now covered in snow._

 _Panicking, he ran back to it, noticing that the buttons were all warped. Pushing every button proved useless._

 _He was stuck...wherever he was._

 _He glanced at his hands and he gasped. His hand was now pure bone._

 _How the hell...did that happen?_

 _He let out a terrified scream as he took in his body._

 _He was...dead?_

 _But how!_

 _He screamed for his mother, for his parents, for anyone, but none of them answered._

 _No sign of Paula, Jeff, and the others...they could be dead for all he knew._

 _Why was he dead? And why was he a skeleton?_

 _Then a figure approached him._

 _"Are you all right, young one?"_

 _"Who are...?" Ness asked, looking up at the strange skeletal figure._

 _But it all faded to black._

* * *

My eyes shot open as I sat up.

No sign of Giygas, of the kids I'd once known.

That had all been a dream of the past.

A past I can't go back to.

I stared at my skeletal hands and sighed.

"Relax, pal, you're not Ness anymore, he's dead..." I mumbled to myself, glancing over at Frisk, who was asleep near me. They hadn't seemed to notice my nightmare. Good thing.

After all, Frisk wasn't the only human who had wound up in the Underground accidentally now, were they? Not that I've ever told them that.

I've never told anyone my past.

Even I don't remember all of it.

It all happened so long ago.

I scratched my head and decided to go back to sleep, figuring a monster needs his rest. After all, that stupid flower could show up and try to attack Frisk. But my eyes remained open as I stared at the wall. This isn't like me.

Normally, I'm the most jocular skeleton in the whole Underground. But that nightmare...it unsettled me and made me show vulnerability. It was literally spine-chilling!

Ah, that's more like it!

'I'm not that person anymore. To hell with that world. And that place. I decided long ago, that I'm never going back. Not even my brother knows about my true identity.'

Still, as I gazed at the ground, I had to wonder to myself...what had happened to all of the others? My friends...no, _Ness's_ friends. The second I became Sans, I swore I would forget all of it. That constant guilt...that made me feel like I'd ditched all of them-my sister, my mom, all of my friends.

Had their world been saved?

Had they managed to defeat Giygas?

Would they ever know what had really happened to me?

My memories of it were fading. It seemed like the longer I spent in the Underground, the more my memories of my previous life were fading away.

' _I'm not Ness anymore. I'm Sans. No more thinking about it, Sans. You have more important things to think about. Like protecting this world. I don't care about that anymore. I don't need to go back.'_

If those people could see me now, as a skeleton, they'd probably scream.

Oh well, they didn't mean anything to me anymore.

Did they really not?

'Then why did you have that nightmare, Sans? You're just escaping from your past...' An inner voice taunted me.

I ignored it and fell back asleep.

I know I can't keep running away forever.

Sooner or later, all of them will have to know the truth about me.

But I don't want them to know.

I don't want them to know that I failed a long time ago.

That I used to be a human.

That I...failed all of them!

It still hurts.

But hey, I'd rather smile and enjoy the here and now than focusing on the past.

I can't change that.


	2. Chapter 2 skeletons in closet part 1

_**A/N: Well, my old computer died, taking the first chapter with it. :/ But the second chapter is here on my new laptop. I'm hoping you'll all enjoy it! :D I'm almost finished with the Earthbound Halloween Hack. Then I'll move on to watching Mother lets' plays.**_

 _ **Only three more videos of the Halloween Hack. Check out Born Losers Gaming, they're really entertaining and funny.**_

 _ **Sans seems to be popular, and he's happy for all of this. Thanks for all the guest reviewers, you guys rock. Oh and Papyrus is not a star man, he is a normal skeleton bro.**_

 _ **Chapter 2 Skeletons in the closet**_

Everyone has something to hide, some more than others.

But I...I, more than anyone else...have things I've never even told Papyrus, my own brother. Or even Frisk. They deserve to know, after all. After all the things we've been through, we've been there for each other.

They of all people, deserve to know the truth. Frisk is one of my dearest friends, and I feel bad, keeping this secret from them. But sometimes, when I think about it, I realize that I'm slowly losing my memories of what it was like to be a human. Will I forever remain a monster?

Will I never be able to see them again?

Why should it matter, though? I've been given a second chance here.

I'm sure that back home, everyone else got back safely.

I'm sure that my mother, my dog, my friends...they all miss me and they were hailed as heroes and they came back, safe and sound.

All except for me. I am alone in this world.

It's odd, though. I have not even thought about being Ness for a long, long time. I've let these dark feelings and Ness become the darkness inside me, bad pun, I know, but hey that's what Sans is about, buddy! So why is it only now starting to bother me?

I mustn't let it bother me.

I'm not part of that reality anymore.

I'm not part of that dimension anymore.

But still, something tells me, that I shouldn't lie anymore. I shouldn't lie to Frisk or to Papyrus.

I had thought I'd done everything I could to hide the secret.

So, how was it that of all people, Frisk was the one to actually get it out of me? How they managed it, I don't know.

Maybe it's because Chara told them. I don't know how much Chara knows, how much they might know about me.

If anyone might know, it's probably that accursed flower demon. He's infinitely powerful and remembers every time they reset the universe.

Not like I'd go to him about this.

Maybe it was because I somehow had talked a few times about humans, and maybe that was what spurred the question that they asked me, with a curious look on their face.

"Sans, how do you know about the human world?" They asked, looking very curious.

Frisk has always been a very bright human. But to think even they could see the change in my demeanor and attitude, that meant that I was losing my composure. Losing my cool. And I am the master of cool.

"Well, you see, kid, a long time ago...I knew a human."

"Another human besides me?" Frisk asks, looking quite curious now.

"Yes, he was a brave human. He's no longer with us now. He was a hero." I said.

"Was that human...you?" Frisk asked, looking at me.

"What are you saying, Frisk? I've always been a monster, ever since I was born." I say, laughing nervously.

But Frisk isn't stupid.

And I shouldn't lie to my friend.

"No, you were that human, right? You're talking about yourself. Please, Sans, be honest with me. Who exactly are you?"

When I look at Frisk's face, I am briefly reminded of that human girl I knew. Paula.

I flush. How can I even begin to explain the truth-

That settles it.

I will unearth all the skeletons in my closet.

Starting right now.

"Yes, you're correct, Frisk. I was once a human...until I came here. And I became a monster. How I got that way, I'm not sure. But I can start explaining it all to you now."

Frisk looks very interested. "That's how you knew so much about humans. I always found that odd."

I nod, blushing a little. "Yeah, I'm sorry I kept it a secret. I didn't want anyone to know. Anyhow, this tale starts a long time ago, in another dimension, far, far away..."

Frisk blinks. Frisk doesn't get the joke.

I laugh. Frisk probably hasn't heard of Star Wars.

"Anyhow, a long time ago, there was a boy. That boy was me. And his name was...Ness."

 _A/N;I know it should be longer than this, but I am tired and it is 3 am here, so I will stop here and continue tomorrow. See you all in the morning, guys. I had to update for all you guys' sake._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Many apologies for the late update. I have been lazy and on bad writer's block lately, but my Sans is awake again, so I've watched BLG play Halloween Hack and regular Earthbound so I have a better grasp of what I'm walking into (even if I haven't played Earthbound, I would so love to...it reminds me of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon).**

 **And omfg, the beauty of Toby Fox's work never ceases to suck me in. To think he can make something as dark and edgy as the Halloween Hack, (but still thought-provoking) and then go on to make the awesomely comedic and wonderful Undertale, he's become something amazing. Hey, the success of FNAF shows us that people who work from home can achieve something with their dreams.**

 **Now, question for you readers: can you play Earthbound on a PS2 or a laptop, or do you need an Emulator? If so, how do you get one? I want to desperately play it, but I figure since it isn't available in the US, it must be available online to download. (andofcourseIwannaplaythehalloweenhack.)**

 **The Halloween Hack is so edgy and dark that it's beautiful. Or perhaps I'm just a gruesome person. Nonetheless, I am gonna proceed on with the chapter, opening back up to the world Sans has left behind. If you think his old life isn't coming back, you're mistaken. POV switch for a little bit.**

 **""There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind."**

― **Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind** **, quotes on madness**

* * *

Chapter 3: Madness takes its toll on a human soul (the cries of the city beg for forgiveness)

Someone once said that it takes a single day to reduce a human being to utter madness.

I'd like them to live a whole lifetime worth of anguish and see them come out of it sane. Compared to others, I'm pretty damned sane-after all that's happened to me-all that I've done, to them, to my wife...I feel pretty damned good.

Some days, I can remember things better than others.

Some days, I can remember a small blond boy, calling me Daddy. His name was Jeff. And sometimes, he has other friends too, named Paula, Ness and...? It seems I do not remember, it is an old man's age getting to him.

My wife worries so much about him. She says I am too distant and that I never speak to them. Fools, don't they know I am wrapped up in my work, trying to invent new things and make things even better for all of us?

I wonder where Jeff has gone off to now. Perhaps I should call him.

"Jeff! It's time for dinner!" I cry.

But no answer comes.

"Jeff! Come on down, your father is giving you a command!"

I'm worried. Where can he be?

Then it suddenly hits me, as I awaken, lying down on the ground in front of my machine, my genius machine I'd made-the thing that can fix everything wrong with me, everything wrong with my life-Jeff is dead. And so are his friends.

 _I murdered all of them._

And the odd thing is, I don't feel bad about it anymore.

It was simply a mistake of science. Science is not perfect, it relies on human thinking, flawed thinking, illogical thinking.

I'm going to fix that.

Yes, am I going to fix that.

I will bring all of them back.

Even if it means destroying everything around me.

God created the world, destroyed it and then put it back together, didn't he?

Yes, that is the true fate of humanity, to be tossed back and forth through the pages of time, forever living and forever dying, infinitely repeating these things! Compared to time, humans are mere microcosms, mere little specks that will burn out.

Much like m-my s-son...

My little boy deserved a better father.

It doesn't matter.

None of it matters anymore.

I glance over at the machine and at the monster within, sleeping peacefully.

Sooner or later, he will come out and then I will meet Jeff again. He'll bring Jeff back to me.

I must tell my neighbors about this-but when I look out my window, the only sky I see is deep crimson, like the flames of hell-and trees are on fire and I hear the unearthly cries and screams of things that are not human.

They are my creations, my children! I have created new children, they will never die.

And my fellow neighbors have learned their lesson for ignoring my suffering. Why, I have killed many people. Or my monsters have. I don't bother asking.

I don't bother asking anything anymore, I'm beyond saving or redemption at this point.

I could never have courage.

'Or you could have determination...' A voice whispers, but I ignore it.

If only it weren't for that accursed machine, then everything would've been perfect!

I wouldn't be a filthy murderer.

Winters wouldn't have become a hellfire.

My wife wouldn't have died and become one of my first experiments because she disobeyed me. Then my own child died because of my mistakes.

No, not just that child, four children died.

Oh, poor Ness...he was such a sweet child. I liked him very much.

It is a pity that he cannot see what a hellhole his beloved world has turned into. No, innocent children shouldn't have to see such horror-oh, who cares, anyway?

"It's time to get back to work. I'm coming for you, Jeff." I say, taking out my scalpel and looking at my newest patient. I have to do this for you, Jeff.

Even if it means I have to live with blood on my hands.

This old man can't be saved by anything anymore or believe in anything like determination or courage. It's all inevitable.

Perhaps some hero will come back to destroy me? I doubt it. All the heroes are dead.

 _I killed all of them, didn't I?_

And with that, my reputation went downhill.

People didn't like that someone like me could still run my lab. So I set my monsters on them and eventually people stopped speaking to me.

The only friends I have around here are the monsters.

Won't you be my friend?

Please?

For this lonely old man?

It'll only cost you your soul.

* * *

"So you're from the surface, too? But you got trapped here and never made it back home." Frisk said.

"Yes," I said, "I've long since given up on going back. Everyone has probably forgotten about me and lived long and happy lives."

"I don't think so, Sans, maybe they all are waiting for you." Frisk says, tugging on my bony arm.

"I used to think that," I say, "But the more I spent time down here, the less I believed. I believe that the others either think I died in action or else that...that they didn't make it, either. I live a good life here, Frisk. The past is dead for me."

"I don't believe you want to forget it at all." Frisk said, "You've held this secret for so long. I'll give you some determination."

"I guess I'm being bone-chilling depressing right now, huh?" I said.

Frisk facepalmed as a response.

"Hey, kid, it was a mere joke!" I said.

"Does Papyrus know this?" They asked.

"No. But maybe it's about time I told him." I said.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I lay awake, thinking about my old home world and wondering what it was like now.

I fell asleep to visions of my old life playing before my eyes.

* * *

 _"Psst, Ness, it's us!"_

 _Voices._

 _I looked around in time to see Paula, Jeff and Poo hovering above me, as ghosts._

 _"You can't be here..." I whispered, "It's impossible!"_

 _"Ness...you can't just give up! You need determination." Paula said._

 _"I don't understand." I said, "I'm not Ness anymore, quit calling me that. I gave up that name ages ago. I'm dead! I don't belong with that world anymore!"_

 _"Our world needs your help!" Jeff said. "Dad has gone mad."_

 _"How can I help? I'm dead and a monster now. I'm not Ness anymore." I muttered._

 _"Don't say things like that, Ness, or Sans, as you go by now." Paula said, floating beside me. "I believe in you. We all do. Even if you've changed, you're still a kind soul, right?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _Suddenly, the three ghosts vanished, and flames surrounded my every which way._

 _The cheerful town of Twoson was going up in flames, and someone was laughing._

 _The laugh was spine-tingling._

 _Okay, okay, no more lame jokes._

 _I heard a soft footstep behind me._

 _And then darkness, followed by maniacal laughter._

I woke to my room.

It had all been a mere dream, but it had felt terrifyingly real.

Well, it's not like everything in my home world is gone.

We defeated Giygas-or they did. It's not like I know, having been trapped here since I was a mere child.

"I gave up trying to go back there a long time ago." I said, "Don't let it affect you anymore, Sans. Ness is long dead."


	4. Chapter 4 Gaster

**A/N: It's been a long time since I last updated, like what, nine months? That's a long time. Sorry about that! My interest in Undertale has returned after a great fic I also read with Sans being Ness. I'm glad I've inspired others to write this wonderful plunny idea. It just opens up so many possibilities, you know?(I would write more but I'm tireddddddd. I'll write more in a couple days.)  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 Secrets unveiled and Gaster's POV on it all**

There are many secrets waiting to be unlocked.

Some will be unlocked in the future.

Some will never be unlocked, and will eat their owners up, alive.

Some secrets must be kept.

Others must be told, or else disaster will strike.

Oh, I wonder, you must be wondering, exactly what sort of secrets he's pondering?

I cannot tell you everything, but I will tell you as best I know: how I ran across the one known as Sans. It was in a most unconventional way.

I remembered everything just now, now I will tell you, how I met Sans.

* * *

 _It was a cold day in Snowdin, like usual. All of the monsters were as happy as they ever were, frolicking around in their pleasant environment. I myself was busy working on my projects and perfecting things, tinkering around with this and that, when Papyrus stumbled in, excited about something._

 _He's always been an energetic young monster, skeleton or not, nothing gets him down. "Mr. Gaster! Mr. Gaster, I found someone!"_

 _That didn't really catch my attention, Papyrus often brought back a lot of strange friends. "Someone?" I asked._

 _"Yes, someone! There was someone passed out in the snow! Another monster! I wonder if he's hurt, I, the great Papyrus shall go find out!" Papyrus laughed to himself. I know that laugh, that was the mischievous laugh._

 _If this really was true, I must keep the child here and out of the way while I tend to the injured monster. "No, you will stay here, Papyrus, but do show me where you found this monster."_

 _"Okay!" Papyrus went right out and showed me the path, and then down I went, and I found a most curious sight. A sight I would never forget._

 _It wasn't out of character for monsters to drop by in the town. It wasn't even out of character for them to sometimes pass out. But this situation was nothing short of extraordinary._

 _There was, indeed, a monster, lying on the ground, unconscious, wearing odd clothing. It was a skeleton, but the skeleton appeared to be a monster child. I wondered briefly if they had gotten lost from their parents, but was even more troubled by the presence of what appeared to be wounds on the skeleton's arms. Had someone been abusing this monster?_

 _What else puzzled me was also the charred remains of something strange that was near where the monster had collapsed. It was a strange-looking machine of sorts, but whatever it was, it wasn't working anymore, and was now just a sizzling hulk. Looking inside told me little to nothing of its origins. Had someone arrived from the surface world?_

 _It didn't seem to me to be something made by monsters, but by humans. If so, then why was the monster child here? What had brought him here? Was he captured? Threatened?_

 _We were quite confident that the humans didn't know we were here, so what brought this mysterious skeleton to this place?_

 _As I was puzzling over those things, I heard a sound. The skeleton child was coming to. I watched as he opened his eyes and sat up, looking around before his gaze came to rest on me. He pointed at me in disbelief._

 _"A-A m-monster!" He stated._

 _What._

 _What kind of monster points at another monster and states the obvious?_

 _Was this monster...stupid or something?_

 _No...my glance went back to the machine, then back to the oddly oblivious monster, who was talking about how puzzled he was that it was snowing, about some gibberish about something named "Gigas"-. Could it be possible that this wasn't a monster before me-but a human, somehow turned into a monster?_

 _Only a human wouldn't know a monster._

 _But such things couldn't happen. That was absurd._

 _There was only one way to find out the truth, and that was through questioning the strange skeleton kid._

 _"Do you know where you are at this moment?" I asked._

 _The skeleton backed away, trembling, afraid._

 _"You're a monster...where is this? Why is it snowing?"_

 _"You are in Snowdin. Yes, I am a monster...and so are you." I pointed out._

 _The skeleton's eyes widened. "That's not possible! I'm a human, I swear I am-" Then he looked over himself and screamed._

 _"What the hell happened?" He cried._

 _"You're not a monster, I take it." I said flatly._

 _He looked up at me. "I wasn't...now I am...dead?" He said. "I'm a human...from another world..."_

 _"Another world?" I said, blinking. "My name is Gaster. And you are...?"_

 _"Ness..." He mumbled, before passing out._

 _When he awoke, Papyrus was in the same room, even though I'd told him to stay out._

 _"Hey, do you remember your name? Do you know where you come from? I've never met another skeleton my own age before!" Papyrus was again, chattering endlessly and obviously freaking out the skeleboy out, if the look on his face was of any indication._

 _"Yes. I do remember that! A-ah, that's cool!" He said, "So cool I'm freezing."_

 _"What does that mean?" Papyrus said, frowning._

 _Apparently, Papyrus doesn't comprehend humor very well._

 _"It's a joke...buddy." He says, cracking a nervous smile._

 _"So what's your name? What's my name?"_

 _"Papyrus..." He says._

 _"Your name, I mean!" He says._

 _"...Sans?" He says._

 _"Sans! Sans, nice to meet you, Sans!" Papyrus shakes his hand enthusiastically. I think Ness...er, Sans needs some air._

 _"Did you tell him about what I really am?" He muttered._

 _"No, I did not. Mind telling me more about this world of yours?"_

 _He opened up and told me about his life, how he'd been sent to go defeat some evil named Giygas, but he'd been separated from his friends, and when he'd woken up, he'd wound up here, as a skeleton instead of a human. Dead instead of living._

 _"What about the time machine?" He cried._

 _"It's burned up, I fear." I said._

 _"Burned up-that means, I-"_

 _"You can't go back, yes. You are a monster now, Ness, or should I say, Sans, and I'll help you fit in this world. This must be hard to get used to, losing your entire world all at once."_

 _He nodded. "I can't feel my Psi..." He mumbled._

 _"What's that?" I asked._

 _"It's my psychic ability...I haven't felt it once...without it, I'm helpless!" He exclaimed._

 _"Calm down, Sans. This is a lot to get used to. Just relax, and we'll figure something out. This is the first time I've met a human who turned into a monster, so I can't really help. I found this, by the way, among your belongings." I placed a photograph in his palm which he eyed._

 _"Thank you, Mr. Gaster. Please don't tell that Papyrus kid..." He begged._

 _From the beginning, Papyrus was glued to his side, regardless of how awkward and antisocial Sans was at first._

 _Eventually, he hatched that joker personality he's known for._

 _None would suspect that Sans wasn't originally a monster._

 _No one except I._

 _I will never disclose this to anyone other than him._


	5. Chapter 5 Recollections

A/N: I _AM NOT_ DEAD. MY UNDERTALE INTEREST REVIVED ITSELF LAST NIGHT AND NOW I'M FILLED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE AND STRENGTH OF DETERMINATION. NOW I'M DETERMINED TO BRING MORE OF NESS BEING SANS TO YOU ALL.

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING INTERESTED AND HOLDING UP. I WILL BE MORE ACTIVE NOW. I'M GONNA DISCUSS NESS/SANS' PERSPECTIVE ON HIS NEW LIFE NEXT AND HOW HE GRADUALLY LOST HOPE AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, A VISIT FROM AN OLD FRIEND OF HIS.

An awesome person wrote a great-ass post about Sans and him being Ness and fuck, everything they wrote about them just kindled all the ideas I had for this story. So many ideas. Then I saw Fnaf 6. All of which triggered ideas in my head. Lemme just say the story "I'm still here" is fucking amazing and even if this story came first the ideas and art for the blog are AMAZING. Go follow them on Tumblr, pls, and _thank you_ for bringing my fic back to life.

My undertale stuff took a nosedive, I think maybe it's the snow and ice here that's brought him back.

 _""I wish I could tell you how lonely I am. How cold and harsh it is here. Everywhere there is conflict and unkindness. I think God has forsaken this place. I believe I have seen hell and it's white, it's snow-white."_

 _― Sandy Welch_

* * *

Chapter 5 Falling into Despair

It's weird, it's really weird, being without him.

Tracy can't quite explain it at first, how it feels to be without Ness.

It's weird at first, coming back home, and not seeing Ness there, waiting for her, that big dopey smile on his face, see him hug her and wish her good night before going into bed, or hold her hand while going to school with her. Her entire school tells her how Ness made a "big sacrifice" for the Earth and now she'll never forget him and neither will they. It's just not fair...how could he go off and do this and leave her without a big brother?

She's glad she got to live another day...it's just not the same without her big brother there. No stockings for him, eventually Ness's is put away somewhere, no presents are made for him and his bedroom is left the way it was and is untouched, aside from her mother cleaning it and keeping it neat and orderly. She wonders why she doesn't just throw it all away. He's not coming back, anyway.

He's dead.

She wishes her parents would quit living in denial.

Ness is dead.

She would cry herself to sleep sometimes, wondering if perhaps her brother might just return one day...show up in the middle of the afternoon, smiling in that same way, asking her what's wrong and why she's crying, but when she wakes she's very much alone.

She cries and cries for Ness but he is nowhere to be found.

So she gradually tries to forget about her older brother, but how can she do so when he's all around her? When memories of him are always in her life?

Somewhere, deep down, she feels like Ness didn't die and is alive somewhere, waiting for them. But that's not possible. He and those other kids didn't make it back. They died, making a noble deed. Or so that's what she's been told.

Now that she's a teenager herself, she's tired of living in this house with nothing but old memories. Her parents are, too, but for some reason, they stay there, perhaps because they foolishly believe Ness will come walking through the doors one day, smiling like he used to and greeting them. She thinks they're foolish, but doesn't say anything about it. All she knows is that life as an only child sucks ass and she feels resentment towards her brother for leaving her behind and not getting to watch her grow up. He's not there for her when she finishes sixth grade, he's not there when she finds her first crush or her first date. He's just gone, leaving a fourteen year old girl puzzled and confused.

Now, it doesn't hurt as much anymore. She can look at a picture of him and remember him without bursting into tears, but he's like dead memories to her.

She has a whole life ahead of her to live.

So why can't she stop thinking about her dead brother?

Why does she keep envisioning him as being alive, instead of dead, in her dreams? Why does she keep seeing him begging for her to help him, pleading for her to help him-but then he disappears before she can reach him-these are just silly, simple dreams-but they must mean something.

If her brother is alive, then where is he? Why hasn't he come back to her?

Why hasn't he come back to them, the people who matter?

Why has he been so selfish as to abandon the only family who's ever cared for him and loved him?

Either he's dead or else...or else she can't even picture it.

She can't imagine anything else, it all sounds too weird or absurd.

'I know this sounds sorta crazy...' She wrote to herself in her journal, 'But I think Ness is alive.'

She does not tell her parents-she doesn't want them to worry about her or think that their daughter is insane and going to disappear like their son did.

The last thing they need to do is worry-not when they worry so much about her and her alone and still grieve over a son who doesn't exist anymore.

Any time she mentions Ness, her mother starts to cry and her father prefers to just not say his name.

She knows that someday, she'll find the truth. All she knows is...wherever her brother is or whatever he's doing...he'd better stop making them worry and come home.

* * *

To be quite honest...

While being a guard, I tend to think about many things and often the memories of my past come back up, but for me it's now nothing but a distant memory.

Although it can be funny hearing Papyrus talk about how much he wants to catch a human when there's one right beside him. That used to terrify me when he first started talking like that (thanks to Gaster who put that idea in his head, as a way to mess with me), and he got me for sure. I was...a bit afraid. Not very afraid. But just a little. Papyrus couldn't hurt anything, not even spaghetti.

I was pretty terrified at the very thought that he might want to hunt me down, (it was very important that that knowledge be kept to only myself and Gaster, lest I wind up suddenly attacked by people who shouldn't know such information).

I've developed a strange sense of humor as my way of coping with the bizarre situation I've found myself in, and frankly, a lot of me has changed since then. Once, I used to be against killing, now I do it without a second thought. Once, I used to be for talking things over, now ruthlessness is practically my next-door neighbor, especially when it comes to that goddamned flower and when he tries to mess with Frisk.

I suppose I am more of a lazyBONEs. Ha, got ya there.

I decided if I smile, everything will be fine...that is, until someone resets the timelines.

And as someone who's time traveled myself, let's just say once was enough and I'd rather not go through that hell again.

Anyhow, as I was sitting there, I was just thinking about how little I cared about my past. I'm not quite sure why that is. Is it because I'm a monster now? Is it because my human soul might be damaged due to the trauma I've suffered? I have no idea, but even the idea that I have a human soul is something that not even Chara knows, though I'm sure they do notice something off about me. They ought to, after all this time they've spent trying to cut me down.

At the very least, they know I'm annoying and that's about it. But I'd rather be remembered for my good traits, I guess.

It's still strange to me to think of myself as a human when I've been this way for so long.

I'm not sure if I still have PSI, but it's not as strong as it used to be. Oh well.

Gaster once asked me if I was sad about losing my old life, and I couldn't really answer him except by responding with a pun. Then that's sort of how I changed. When was it that I started losing myself and caring less and less? I suppose it was the first time that Chara destroyed everything and everyone I loved.

That's not something you can easily recover from. It was an all-too familiar hurt for me, so I suppose I got rather brutal with them. Not that they didn't deserve it.

It hurt fighting against them for the first time, but as time went on, I got tired, really, really tired of all of it. As a result, I've lost my mercy. I've become a person my parents wouldn't have approved of, but I'm not bound by their rules anymore.

That's the way I treated Chara-different from how I treated Frisk.

No way can I be called a hero.

Seeing people die over and over tends to make you think that nothing will change.

I was getting away from hope and getting in to despair and then I could forget, and embrace this identity.

To be honest, my time as a human probably isn't coming back any time soon. I will be stuck here as a monster.

Oddly enough, I still leak blood, it must be something having to do with my human self. I wonder why Chara never figured that out.

I can't even picture any of my enemies from the past looking for me, save for one, but I'm pretty sure he reverted back to being good again. I wouldn't expect to see him any time soon, let alone be here.

* * *

In outer space, Porky smiled. He was coming back to Earth as soon as he had enough power to do so. Then he would make things right and without those kids to stop him, he would be very much a force to be reckoned with.


	6. Chapter 6 truth telling

A/N: Now I have more ideas for this fanfic, so we'll see what happens.

Also apparently it's single skeletor day, so it's Sans' day. Also, I'm editing chapter 1 for more details.

it was a couple days ago so here we go with the next chapter-yes, it's short, ungodly short, I'm ending on cliffhanger because i have more ideas, it's just late.

Chapter 6 Adjusting to life that makes no Sanse-(flashback chapter)

* * *

The funniest thing about being a monster is...that, I used to see monsters in a whole different light. I used to be proud of taking my bat and "taming" them to be good monsters again. If I ever did that here, I would be given very funny looks...if not outright seen as disgusting. Gaster told me that much when I told him about my world. Apparently, the things I did weren't as noble as I thought they were, but what kind of mom just gives her kid a baseball bat and tells him to go kill things with it-my mom.

I do miss her, sort of. I say sort of, because-well...it's been years since I last saw her face or seen her smile, so I tend to forget, sometimes. The repeating timelines don't help that much in regards to my sanity, either, or my _sans_ -ity. Sometimes, making jokes is the only way I stay sane, you know? It's just that...I can't help but think that...maybe, it's time to tell the truth to the one who deserves to know the truth.

My brother.

 _Yes, that brother._

Yes, that human-hunting maniac.

On the one hand, you might think I've resigned myself to utter stupidity and will now be the skeleton killed and dismembered by Papyrus for shits and giggles. But no, family is family and my brother won't kill me over that. Or would he...?

On second thought, I'm never going to finish that sentence. Papyrus would _never_ be evil. Ever.

Anyhow, I remember literally shaking so much when Gaster would start telling Papyrus what humans were like.

Papyrus just thought I was scared of humans, though. Boy, that was traumatizing beyond all compare.

 _"Oh, Sans, you must be scared of these humans, too! Worry not, for I, the great Papyrus, will protect you from the humans! When I find a human, I will capture and destroy them!"_

 _I sighed. "That's reassuring, little bro." Still, I was afraid to sleep that night...for about five seconds, since Papyrus can't hurt a fly._

* * *

I think the one thing that's changed is my apathy. I always used to be so...so brave, so bold, so heroic. But with time, I've just given up hope. I'm not the guy who can be the hero anymore, I'm just satisfied with watching. But watching means you're not doing what you should be doing. Frisk has shown me enough times, that if I don't do what I can, then things won't go right.

Then I'll be stuck with them, slashing at me-I'm half-convinced they know I'm more than what I seem-ever since they saw me spilling blood, Chara seems more edgy around me than ever. It bothers me, but if they know, I won't hesitate to kill them. I'll die before I have my identity revealed. Not unless it's absolutely **ness** -sary. And yes, that pun was essential. Otherwise, it wouldn't have made any _sans_ e.

I look over at my bedroom door, which is usually locked so no one can see all of this old stuff from when I was a human, and sigh. It's time.

I turned the knob and stepped out.

"Yo, Papyrus!" I cried out.

He's cooking food again.

"Yes, Sans?" He answers.

"We...We need to talk about something." I say.

This is it. The moment of truth I've been waiting for for a long time.

I must now take it.

"About what?" Papyrus asks.

I swallow before making my way down the stairs.

If Papyrus kills me I've made the biggest mistake of my (after) life. If not, then I live another day.

Still...I have to trust in my brother.

I open my mouth.

"So, bro...what would you do if there was another human in the underground?"


End file.
